


The Edge of Tonight

by BrooklynButtBuddies



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 16:26:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8924110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrooklynButtBuddies/pseuds/BrooklynButtBuddies
Summary: Bucky wakes up from a nightmare and just decides it's too much but Steve comes to help.





	1. Chapter 1

There he sat on the edge of the roof, dangling his legs off the edge. His eyes were red and had puffy bags underneath them. He had another nightmare and be just couldn't handle it. All those people he hurt, all the people he killed. His own thoughts ate at him, screaming at him. He hated what he had become. He was a murderer, a monster. He remembers everything. He remembers the feeling of a person's bone snapping under his grip. He remembers the feeling of a small weight seated on his lap as the Brooklyn sunlight shone down. 

He found it hard to focus on the happy memories when the scary, negative ones came back every night to remind him of his past. He wishes that he could go back in time and just kill himself before Hydra could get to him. He wishes Steve, Sam or Natasha would've killed him when they had the chance.

He stared out at the city. People rushed around in the dark and cars lit up the lively streets. He was pretty far up on the Avenger's tower but he could just barley make out the little details.

He thought everyone was asleep. He snuck out of his and Steve's shared bed and bolted up to the roof. He has woken up from another nightmare but it wasn't a memory. In the nightmare all the people he had killed were surrounding him, screaming at him for what he had done. He tried to fight back but they over powered him easily and beat him. The worst part of it was all the avengers were there. They each took their turn at beating him and they were all laughing at him. He had become friends with the avengers so it hurt like hell to see that all come crumbling down. The last person to beat him was the one who really broke him. His long time friend and lover punched and kicked him everywhere while spitting insults and telling him how he lied to him all this time.

"God how could I be so stupid! No one will ever love me." He said to himself. He stood up and looked over at the city and rushing cars he would most likely crash into.

He stood there for god knows how long just really thinking about it. He really wanted this. He wanted it all to end, he thought he deserved it anyway. He felt like a fool. He could just imagine the smirks on everyone's face when they find out he's dead. He felt that deep down no one really liked him. He had changed so much that even Steve probably hated him now too.

-

"Where the hell is he?" Steve asked himself he woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. It had become a norm for him to wake up at random times at night just to make sure Bucky was okay. He stood up and accessed the security cameras. He saw Tony and Bruce in the lab where Tony kept distracting Bruce with little kisses, it made Steve gag a little. He searched each floor but just saw the rest of team either sleeping or training. He checked the perimeter around the tower and didn't see anything. He almost didn't check the roof because he didn't expect to see the most important person in his life about to jump.

"Jarvis, why didn't you alert me that Bucky was on the roof?'' Steve asked angrily.

"Mr. Barnes demanded I not alert the avengers."

He bolted up, grabbing a jacket and ran for the stairs.

"Jarvis, alert Sam and tell him to suit up, it's an emergency" Steve yelled out as he ran up the stairwell. "Tell him to circle the roof"

"Right away, Sir" Jarvis answered. He ran up the stairs because he knew the elevator would just take longer. His blood ran cold just imagining Bucky up there. What the hell was happening?! Too many thoughts ran through his head, they were deafening. He couldn't hear the others shouting his name as he shot past their floor stairway doors, all he could think about was getting to Bucky. Bucky alone on the roof and standing on the edge.

He finally got up and burst through the door, grabbing Bucky's attention. He could just barely see Bucky's face but the puffy eyes and fresh tears were prominent in the lighting.

"Buck...please get down" Steve said breathlessly. Bucky didn't move from the edge but looked back down at the city.

"You don't have to pretend anymore" He said quietly. Steve's face contorted with confusion.

"What?" he asked. He slowly walked towards him but stopped when Bucky started getting closer to the edge. The brunette shook his head and let out a soft laugh.

"I'm so stupid," He exclaimed loudly. "How could I let myself believe that I was finally fitting in?"

"Bucky what are you talking about?"

"I know you all hate me! You know what I've done, who I've hurt. I've changed so much that you can't love me anymore. I've tried so hard to be the way I was but it just doesn't work. I don't really know who I am anymore and it hurts, Steve! All I do all day is work out and train. I have nightmares almost every night and when you leave on missions I just can't find a reason to get up. I'm pathetic" Bucky ranted. Tears threatened to spill as he stared at the man he loved. Steve stood there in shock with tears brimming his eyes as well.

"Buck...I will never stop loving you. Remember our promise? Till the end of the line, right? We've both changed but somehow we fell in love all over again. You still have those weird ass quirks from before. You like it when I mess with your hair and you like to slap my ass whenever I walk by you. You aren't a morning person unlike me, but after some coffee and kisses you're ready to go. I know what you did was bad but that wasn't you. You can't be blamed. And everyone on the team knows that. They all love you. " When Steve finished he was a few feet away from Bucky. His eyes were still leaking and his mind was jumbled. His thoughts were battling between believing Steve or sticking to his thoughts. His mind was telling Steve was lying but the look on Steve's face was genuine.

"No...no, you're just saying that so I won't jump. I can't do this" Bucky breathed out as he stared out at the city. He felt like he was being suffocated by his own thoughts. It was just too much happening and none of it made any sense.

"Bucky just..please come down. We can work this out" Steve pleaded with him. Bucky walked up to Steve and pulled him into a slow kiss. Their lips met gently and Steve wrapped his arms loosely around Bucky and let out a breathe of relief when they pulled apart. Bucky on the other hand was still crying. Steve reached up and tried to wipe away the tears but Bucky moved out of his reach. He just need to do that one last time.

"I'm sorry" Bucky said quietly before running towards the edge.

"Bucky no!" Steve screamed as he tried to grab him but he wasn't fast enough. He jumped over the edge and Steve collapsed to the floor. Tears blurred his vision and his blood ran cold. Did he really lose Bucky again? He looked over the edge and couldn't see him anywhere.


	2. Chapter 2

"No..no....he's can't be gone" Steve said to himself. He stared down at the city that was suddenly blurry because of his tears. He covered his face with hands and tried to calm his breathing. He couldn't comprehend anything happening around him. He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice Sam landing behind him or the hand on his back.

"Steve!" Sam said as he shook the super soldier. Steve turned around and jumped to his feet.

"Did you see any sign of him?!" Steve asked frantically.

"Look behind me" Sam pointed to the body. Steve bolted up to the body with joyful tears mixing with the fearful ones as the streamed down his face. He slid back to the floor and placed the head onto his lap and let out a breathe of relief when he saw it was Bucky but he wasn't moving. He felt something warm on his hand and brought to up to reveal the bright red blood spreading on his palm.

"As he fell he hit one of the balconies, I tried to catch him. I'm sorry man" Sam spoke softly with pain evident on his face. Steve shook his head and wiped away the tears. If he wanted Bucky back he would need to focus and stop grieving.

"Thank you Sam" Steve said firmly before picking his limp body up and running back for the stairwell. Sam rushed down with them after shedding his pack. Steve ran down the flights of stairs at an alarming pace. He tried his best to cradle Bucky to his chest and applied pressure to the wound.

"Help! Jarvis, call Tony and Bruce!" Steve yelled out.

"Contacting Mr. Stark and Dr.Banner" the AI responded. There was a click of the button and Tony's voice filled the intercom.

"What the hell Rogers?! What do you need so early? I was busy with Bruce-"

"Tony, We need medical attention! Bucky tried to jump!" Steve said out of breathe as he continued to run down.

"Oh shit! Bring him down to the 23rd floor infirmary now!" Tony rushed out before hanging up. Steve let out a heavy sigh as they continued to bolt down the numerous flights of stairs. Sam had stopped after the first few but Steve refused to take a break on the account that Bucky could be seriously injured.

"I'll meet you guys there! Are you sure you want to run down thirty more flights?!" Sam asked loudly as he approached the stairway door.

"Yeah! The elevator will probably stop numerous times. It's faster if I just run down" Steve yelled back. Sam nodded even though he couldn't see him but ran for the elevator.

"Only another twenty flights. Do it for Bucky" Steve said to himself. He was breathing heavily but not because of the stairs, but because of the extreme pressure he was under. If he doesn't get there fast enough it's goodbye Bucky, again. Just the mere thought of losing him again made tears spring up in his eyes again. He blinked quickly trying to hold back the tears but a few still slipped.

"S-Steve?" Bucky said weakly. Steve looked down causing him to lose his footing slightly and gasped.

"Bucky stay with me please" Steve said softly as he began to pick up his pace. Bucky looked around and went limp in Steve's arms.

"Steve, please let me go" Bucky said.

"Bucky, we can work through this. I promise everything will be better" Steve said shakily. He couldn't believe Bucky was speaking the way he was.

"There's nothing left for me" Bucky fought back.

"I'm here! The Avengers are here for you. Buck...please," Steve stopped when he noticed Bucky's head lolling back. "Buck, don't you go right now!"

It was no use. Bucky had passed out again and Steve was just hoping it wasn't for good. More tears blurred his vision as he approached the last few flights but he was starting to lose hope as he got closer. He was seriously contemplating just sitting in the stairwell with Bucky for his last moments. If he were to go in there Bucky might die on a table, cut open and without Steve by his side. Steve pushed that thought aside and burst through to the 23rd stairwell door.

"Tony?! Bruce?!" Steve called out as he ran through the floor.

"Over here!" He heard Bruce's voice. He turned around and saw Tony and Bruce by a gurney.

"Put him on here and we'll take him into the infirmary. He's lucky Dr. Cho decided to stay for a bit" Bruce said as he started hooking Bucky up to machines. They started to wheel him away with Steve in tow but once they got to the infirmary door a nurse stopped him and asked him to wait outside.

"No, I'm not leaving him!" Steve exclaimed.

"Steve, you aren't sterilized and we need to focus on Bucky. Please just stay out there with Sam" Tony said sympathetically. Steve furrowed his eyebrows in anger but looked over at Bucky who was now in company of many lab coats. He nodded reluctantly and stepped back as they shut the door.

Once Sam got to the infirmary floor he had to snap Steve out of his trance and drag him away from the door. He made him sit in the waiting room/living room space while Tony, Bruce, and Dr. Cho's team worked on Bucky for hours. His thoughts ate away at him as he sat in silence with Sam. Eventually the rest of the avengers came down once they found out and waited with Steve. They tried to cheer him up but there clearly was no way that was possible. All he could think about was how he could of prevented it. How had not seen this? Were there signs? Sam and Natasha stayed by his side making sure that he didn't do anything stupid and made sure to remind him that had tried his best. There they sat for hours on end just waiting for any kind of news.

-

In the early hours of the morning Tony emerged from the infirmary as he peels off his gloves and surgical mask. Everyone except Steve and Natasha were asleep so when Tony emerged they quickly shook everyone awake.

"He's stable now. He sustained few but mild injures because of the serum but he isn't in a great mental state. When he fell he hit is head causing a minor concussion and his right shoulder is shattered plus he had some stitches along his hairline. We should be able to remove the stitches in about 14 days or sooner, because of his increased heal time. You guys can see him but I think Steve should go first" Tony informed the group with a sad smile.

Steve looked around at everyone for the go ahead and when they all nodded he stood up and followed Tony. When they got to the door they had everyone leave and Steve entered alone. Tony patted his back reassuringly before closing the door. Steve looked over at Bucky who was staring at him with wet eyes. Like Tony had said, there was a row a stitches running along the right side of his forehead but it wasn't too big but there was one under his eye as well.

"Hey" Steve said softly as he approached the bed. He walked right up to Bucky's left side and smiled at him. Bucky didn't say anything back but he broke down in tears. He didn't know if he should be glad he was alive or miserable that he failed. Steve moved to sit next to Bucky who leaned into him and cried. He held him as everything began to sunk in. They didn't know what to say to each other so they just held each other silently. Steve kissed Bucky's head repeatedly trying to comfort him but it was clear that it would take some time to heal. They were both in tears but they didn't care.

"Bucky promise me you'll never do that again" Steve said as he looked down through watery eyes at the brunette.

"I-I don't think I can" Bucky whimpered into his side.

"No, you have to because Bucky, I don't think I can handle losing you again. I don't think I'll ever be okay without you. You are everything to me Bucky. You are my past, present, and my future. It's not the end of the line yet, Buck" Bucky stayed silent in his arms but snuggled further into Steve.

"I'll help you get better. We can work through the..programing. I don't care how long it takes, you will be happy but you have to want it too" Steve pleaded with him. His voice was no longer strong but weak and shaky. 

Did he want to be happy? He wasn't sure he deserved it but yes and he was willing to do it for himself and Steve.

That day was a low point in Bucky's life but it was the day he decided to turn it around, thanks to Steve. After him and Steve talked they brought the rest of the team in and Bucky realized that he really did matter to them and his mind was just playing tricks on him. Natasha ran in with tears in her eyes and she cursed Bucky out for doing that to her. Sam actually hugged him and swore that he would kill him if he ever scared them like that again. Clint broke down saying that he refused to lose a close friend/ family member. The twins ran in and hugged him like hell, Wanda almost didn't let go. Thor offered his help and said he wouldn't leave earth until he got better. Tony and Bruce were happy he was okay and kept checking to make sure everything was healing properly.

Over the course of a year he went to therapy down at the VA with Sam. It wasn't the most ideal thing but he felt that he needed a friend to help him through it. After five months he was much better but not fully okay but okay enough to go back in the field, with Steve of course. When he wasn't working, he and Steve spent a lot of time down at the VA helping out Sam. It took a while for him to get better but all that mattered was that he was finally becoming happy again.

He never fully healed but he did get better with time. Five years later he was married to Steve and they had just adopted a little 3 year old boy. They created their little family and Bucky was happy, content with life.


End file.
